So the mini-bar in my Las Vegas hotel room is demonic. When I checked in the front desk lady told me that “if you lift something in the refrigerator or the rack your account will be charged automatically.”

Actually, if I lift something for more than 45 seconds my account will get charged. That is sinister.

Like all mini-bars, this one is home to the 6.78 ounce bottle of four-dollar Coke which absolutely-positively cannot be replaced with an off-site, less expensive alternative. It is also home to a $12 box of cashews — which one would need to be … nuts [rimshot] to lift out of the rack.

There is a $15 disposable camera, and a “martini set” for $8 (I imagine you get one olive and a spear), but the winner is …

The $25 “Intimacy Kit.”

I fear the “Intimacy Kit.” It is a white box with three lipstick kisses on it. What lies within? There is no information on the box and I sure as hell am not going to pick it up to trigger the magic sensor that will put a blinking $25 charge on my room bill that I would have to explain to accounting. The $14 first aid kit one can justify on grounds of an emergency: “I cut my jugular shaving and needed to stop myself from desanguinating.”

But a $25 Intimacy Kit? What excuse do you dream up for that one? “I was lonely. I needed a hug…..”

This blogger also got an Intimacy Kit, but it in a clear box with a table of contents. Mine is more mysterious.

Author: David Churbuck

Cape Codder with an itch to write

0 thoughts on “Mini-bars”

  1. Hmmm…how about the items that *should* be in there. If we’ve got an intimacy kit, why not a “2 hour con call with Singapore at 4am” Kit – includes disposable tape player randomly repeating. “Can you repeat that again” or “Sounds good” and maybe even “do you have metrics on that?” every few minutes.

  2. Mark — I needed the 4 am conference call kit this morning. The upside is the sunrise over the mountains outside this casino/hotel and an inhouse Starbucks that opens at 6.

  3. Oh no! You took a PHOTO of the Intimacy Kit!?!

    Don’t you know that’s good for at least a $12.38 charge on your room? They’ve got you now.

    I certainly hope for your sake you didn’t pick up a phone to listen to the dial tone. There’s another $6.75 gone.

    What? You want Lightbulbs in the lamps? Wooo. Someone’s crazy rich!

    But go ahead and take all the bathroom tissue you want.

  4. I too was at that conference/hotel and got the same lecture about the mini bar. Unfortunately I have this innate sense of curiousity that cannot be satisfied without proving that in fact the sensors are as accurate as described. Just as I was about to pick up the nuts the hotel room’s doorbell rang and someone from the maid staff wanted to check my mini bar. I considered not letting them in…but then thought better of it. This random event scared me straight and I decided that the minibar would remain untouched.

  5. My wife and I recently started a biz looking to expand on this concept. www,intimatesurprises.coom An intimacy kit should include a little bit more than a couple of condoms, a lube and a towelette, for crying our loud that sounds like something a lady of the night would carry in her purse. Our thought is that an intimacy kite should be more than this. How about a nice warm heart massager, a nice warming massage oil, a a stimulating a gel, an erotic short story, a personal massager, a satin sleep mask. Couples wnat more than a wham bam thank you ma’am. They wanta little romance, sensuality, eroticism and passion. That’s what an intimacy kit Should be.

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