How do I become an epidemiological statistic?

Update: “Officials at the state and county level declined to comment on the Cape town that has reported a salmonella case, or the individual who was affected, citing privacy laws. The only detail provided was that the sickened individual is a 49-year-old man from Barnstable County.”

I was sitting at a picnic table near Gay Head Light in the town of Aquinnah, on the island of Martha’s Vineyard, when I did the oh-so-romantic move of checking my Blackberry for messages while my poor wife tried to find something endearing about me to behold.

The voice mail icon begged to be acknowledged, so I listened to messages and heard the on-call doctor at my internist’s group tell me the results were in from my lab tests from last week, the ones ordered up after I returned from India with a hellacious case of Montezuma’s Delhi Belly.

I paged the doc and she told me I was positive for salmonella — basic garden variety food poisoning. She also told me I was part of a national epidemic, brought on by the consumption of infected tomatos (mostly Romas, or Italian Plum). When I got home I did the hypochondriac move and googled the bug. I found this newslink (up yours, Associated Press) about the spread of salmonella in Massachusetts.

County – Age – Sex

Middlesex – 33 years – Female
Middlesex – 39 years – Female
Middlesex – 5 years – Female
Middlesex – 29 years – Female
Worcester – 38 years – Male
Plymouth – 23 years – Female
Norfolk – 36 years – Male
Norfolk – 26 years – Female
Norfolk – 18 years – Female
Norfolk – 23 years – Male
Suffolk – 19 years – Male
Suffolk – 20 years – Male

I was disappointed not to see anyone from Barnstable County — and that led me to wonder why there isn’t a social network for people with gastic distress brought upon by tomatos. I want a badge to put on my blog, dammit.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,864 other subscribers
Exit mobile version