50 Pieces of Random Advice

Here’s a list of random advice and rules of thumb I’ve picked up over the years and  still cling to.

1. The Golden Rule still applies
2. If you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything
3. Trust your intuition
4. If offered a Tic Tac, accept it. You probably need it.
5. Bitch up, not down
6. Never eat anything bigger than your head
7. Don’t s%^t where you eat
8. Omit unnecessary words
9. Shorter words are better than longer ones
10. Listen more, talk less
11. The only time to use an exclamation point is in the sentence “You cut my arm off”
12. Don’t date someone with more than three cats
13. The sky is high and the Emperor is far away
14. Don’t quit your job until you have your next one
15. People think in three’s — three acts, three bullets, three concepts
16. The 80-20 rule always applies
17. A car carrying a AAA sticker or a license plate with a sub-five digit number is driven by a bad driver
18. George O’Day Died Defending His Right of Way — watch out for the other guy
19. Throw back the first fish of the season with a kiss
20. Red Sky At Night, Sailor’s Delight
21. Red Right Returning
22. When offered something, take the one closest to you
23. No pleats
24. Bowties are asshole detectors
25. The Abe Lincoln rule of pissed off letters (and emails) applies: write, don’t send
26. Tough guys don’t dance
27. Tough guys don’t tweet
28. Tough guys don’t sip cocktails through straws
29. Powerpoint sucks
30. Never bullshit your boss. Just say “I don’t know.”
31. Rub dirt on it and take a lap
32. Children only need to go to the ER if blood is coming out of their ears
33. Don’t wear clothing with the name of any school you attended
34. Don’t be the Closer of any party
35. If you don’t know who the sucker is, then it is you
36. 80% of Walmart shoppers turn right when they enter the store
37. If ignored for 5 minutes in a restaurant, get up and leave
38. Keep the crew dry and in the sun
39. There is no bad weather, only bad clothing
40. Cheese and fish do not mix
41. High tide in Cotuit is always at noon and midnight when the moon is full
42. The 20s are the worst decade
43. No one gets out alive
44. Don’t arrive empty handed
45. Handwritten notes work
46. Nothing important happens after midnight
47. Take a cab
48. Do what the officer tells you to
49. Keep religion and politics out of it
50. There’s always hope

Author: David Churbuck

Cape Codder with an itch to write View all posts by David Churbuck