The Obligatory Sad Red Sox Post (or why I’m used to this by now)

Things just had to end the way they did for the Red Sox, it’s the natural order of things for the team, the type of epic finale the team is conditioned to deliver to its fans every fall. When the Red Sox win, they pull off the greatest comeback in all time (2004 ALCS v. Yankees) and when they collapse they collapse bigger and more completely than any other team in history (this September’s plunge). I’ve screamed at too many televisions, walked away and ignored the team too many times (only to be sucked back over and over and over) but this time, for the first time since 1967 it felt somehow right, like all was well in the world and life was proceeding according to some unseen plot written by an invisibly cruel author with a sense of melodramatic wit and irony. As it happened, as the thinnest of leads stood in the ninth inning, I knew with 100% certainty how it would end.

And so it ended.

I cheer for Fenway Park, the uniform, the memories of past Gods and all the beserk Massholes who get worked up like the fanatics we are. No need to climb the Mystic River Bridge today and throw ourselves into the dirty water, no need to point fingers, be ashamed, or blog plaintive purple elegies. I just hope this season cleans house and sees certain irritations go away. Namely: the eighth inning singing of Sweet Caroline. I hate this song. To quote my favorite Red Sox blog, Surviving Grady:

  • What’s the better song: “Sweet Caroline” or “Dirty Water”?
    • Red: Hey, I like “Dirty Water” as much as the next guy. But it’s played after the Sox win and, let’s face it, they could play “Careful With That Axe, Eugene” and the crowds would groove to it. It takes that Neil Diamond magic to get everyone up and dancing on a two-hundred degree August night.
    • Denton: “Sweet Caroline” can’t carry “Dirty Water”‘s jock. It was written about a 12-year-old girl for Christ sake. It’s like the pedophile national anthem. By a guy who now dyes his friggin’ chest hair.
    • Red: Maybe so, but “Sweet Caroline” gets about 15,000 college chicks up and shaking their asses every home game. Anything with that kinda power is down with me.
    • Denton: “Dirty Water” is a signature song. It means “we won, bitches, please exit our house quietly and respectfully while we proceed to party our winning asses off.” Do you want to hear Neil Diamond when some shitbum team is shutting us out 6-0 in the eighth? Didn’t think so.


Do away with the song, watch me buy a pink hat, kill the Wave, and suck for a few seasons so I can move up the waiting list for season tickets. That’s all I ask.

I’m rooting for the Tigers now.

Author: David Churbuck

Cape Codder with an itch to write

7 thoughts on “The Obligatory Sad Red Sox Post (or why I’m used to this by now)”

  1. Can’t be a Sox fan unless we’re there for good times and bad. I watched until the bitter end, and I do mean bitter. I think it’s somehow fitting that I was watching the rest of the movie Downfall during the rain delay.

    Totally agree with retiring Sweet Caroline. Used to like the song until I heard the story behind it – creepy. Besides, other teams’ fans are mocking us because of the song. How about the Skels “Have a drink ya bastards”?

  2. What’s the creepy story? I never could figure out why that pablum caught on. I can deal with the microscopic seating and suffering with my neighbors’ back fat spilling into my lap; I can deal with $8 beer; hot girls in pink hats looking at their cellphone and not the game; but I cannot abide the humiliation of being party to Sweet Caroline and the frigging Wave.

    Thank heavens for Cape Cod baseball to keep things all field of dreamish.

    Now the fun part is playing hot stove with this team. Who goes, who stays, and do the money men dig deep?

  3. be thankful you’re not a MFin Dodgers fan. the only reaon I still listen to Dodgers game is to hear the voice of SQL databases– Vin Sculley.
    Oh well there’s always next year

    Jim F

  4. Papi…gone
    Papelbon…most likely gets a contract
    Tito and the Kid…gone – cue Friedman and Martinez from the Rays.

    The real scoundrels from this season stay. The best part is Crawford gets a $5.5m pay increase. I will have a hard time for the next 6 seasons watching that clown fail and get paid 20 mil or so every season for doing it.

  5. Mark, you might add:

    Wakefield. . . gone

    Veritek. . .gone

    we love ya, guys, but your dotage awaits.

  6. I figured that I couldn’t be the only one who HATES “Sweet Caroline” by the NY guy who’s a real jerk. I worked at 2 venues where he performed, and we weren’t allowed to look at him- if he walked by, we had to turn and face the wall- that’s NOT what down-to-earth Boston represents! Someone needs to start a petition to ban it! I think it should be replaced by Drop Kick Murphy’s Shipping Up To Boston”

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