Dear Mister Snow Plow Driver,
I know you have a very hard job. You have to drive your big truck with the big plow through the blizzards, trying to see out your windshield in near white-out conditions. No amount of Firecracker Schnapps or DeKuypers Peach Brandy can keep the cold from penetrating into your lonely cab, but at least there aren’t any many civilians out driving that you need to avoid.
Might I suggest an eye exam? That lazy eye can be corrected you know. You just need to bring in the right side of your plow about a foot or two. Then you won’t plow up all the roadsides of Cotuit from CVS to Oregon Beach by slicing off at least a foot of everybody’s front lawn and depositing it in a nice furrow on the sidewalks and lawns.
We so look forward to raking it back and trying to reseed it. Because if we don’t, and if your boss at the DPW decides you need some help staying within the lines of the coloring book known as the roads of Cotuit, then my tax dollars will be spent installing ugly curbstones that will take away the nice grassy soft shoulders that make the village look like Cape Cod and not suburban Waltham.
Maybe you thought you were Richard Burton in “Where Eagles Dare”:
Yes. We stick out little reflective sticks on the side of the road to tell you where the pavement ends and the grass begins, but you managed to pick off most of them this time through the town. I know it has been a nasty winter — this spring blizzard was the last straw and it probably pissed you off as much as the rest of us — but it was the one storm that managed to do the greatest amount of damage to the village because you need an eye exam.