Junior was all peeved yesterday that he was without a halloween costume. Kid is 14, a freshman in high school, 6-feet tall, size-14 shoes, and he’s moaning about not having a costume. Sorry, no sympathy from me. If he was six and still cute I’d put him in a flame retardant Power Ranger disposable costume-in-a-bag and squire him around the neighborhood with a flashlight and a plastic pumpkin. 14? Standard costume for a 14-year old in my day was an green army surplus field jacket, blue jeans, hiking boots, greasy long hair, a bad attitude and a penchant for property damage and vandalism.
But no. Modern marketing has turned Halloween into one of the top party holidays of the year, with people getting inordinately worked up over what transformation they will inflict on the world. How many McCains and Obamas will be drunkenly making out in the dark corners of Boston’s bars tonight?
So Junior is getting increasingly hysterical when me, J. Edgar Father-of-the-year, comes up with the world’s best and most innovative (and free) costume in history.
- Grunden Sou-wester hat in international orange. Right there we’re talking massive fashion statement.
- Grunden coat for that “don’t fall off the boat in the Bering Straits” look
- “Save an Endangered Species – Commercial Fishermen” t-shirt with the most awesome cartoon of a dude wearing a …. sou-wester hat
- Rubber clamming gloves
Now I am wondering what that says about me given that all of the aforementioned items are owned by me, used by me on a regular basis, and were not acquired with trick-or-treating in mind.