When buying a State Rep won’t work, throw more lawyers at the problem

Neighbors raise ante in oyster fight | CapeCodOnline.com.

The Greedheads of Popponesset Bay will not go quietly as far as Richard Cook’s oyster farm is concerned . Having failed to sneak in a midnight amendment to the state budget to declare his underwater clam farm a “marine sanctuary,” they are falling back on that time-honored last resort of the wealthy which is to out-lawyer the little guy. Sort of like raising the bet  in a poker game until everybody has to fold.

Having been denied by every Mashpee board with a horse in the race, the homeowners (a largely  anonymous group who have hired Sandwich pettifogger Brian Wall to keep dragging things along), are now appealing to the State Supreme Judicial Court to kick the case to the Cape Cod Commission for their review because it is a commercial venture.

The appeals court already slapped Wall and his waterfront clients down when they said their objections are without claim because the project is outside of the town’s zoning authority because it is beyond the extreme low tide mark.

Three years and counting. And all over a clam farm.

Dealing with Biters

With regards to the biting soccer star from Uruguay, I offer the following solution to FIFA’s disciplinary committee:

My father , the late Tony Churbuck, had a proven parenting technique for stopping the biting of siblings and friends. This was a man who’s life’s motto was “Don’t get mad. Get even.”

He would examine the bitten party, calm them down, and check to see if their skin was broken and if they needed hydrogen peroxide and bandages. After calm and quiet was restored he would call the biter over and ask them to present the same body part on themselves that they had just chomped on the victim.

The biter, lulled into complacency by watching his victim be consoled and examined for damage, would usually approach Tony and sheepishly extend the same body part. At which point Tony would take a nice, firm grip (from which there was never any escape) and bite the biter. Hard.  He would do this to cousins, even visiting friends, and always deny it if accused.

If I were FIFA I would hire Mike Tyson to deliver the penalty.