Travel rage

Everything was going just great. The flight out of Beijing left on time, and after reading three back issues of Fortune, the latest Atlantic Monthly, and weeding out 100 emails, I went into 2001-Space-Odyssey-hibernation mode with earplugs, noise canceling headphones, eye-mask, a horse-pill Ibuprofen, and 15 mg of temazepam. It was probably the best airplane coma ever, for I awoke right in time for a quick breakfast, a visit to the head to reinsert my single contact lens, and enough time to get my cstuff repacked into my knapsack in time for a landing at San Francisco.

Then I hit the TSA security checkpoint where I pulled out my Zip-Loc bag with my shaving cream and my deodorant and my toothpaste and my bottle of Kiehl’s face moisturizer. Yes, I admit, I use moisturizer — otherwise my face would crack open. This is expensive stuff. Like $15 for four ounces and a complete pain in the ass to find on Cape Cod.
Well, the four ounces were the problem. According to the nasty little TSA troll, it was 0.5 ounces too big and so it had to go.


That bottle has made it from Boston to Raleigh, Raleigh to Boston, to New York, Boston to Beijing — clearing at least a dozen TSA security points. Let’s not mention that the bottle was half empty and probably represented two ounces.

I am bullshit. The whole liquid-gel freakout is a total indignity. My shoes are already off and I have to worry about the condition of my socks for public viewing. I pull my belt off. My pants will probably follow sometime next year. Then I get asked to step into a booth and get blasted with puffs of air.

Well, all in the name of National Security, so off I go this morning to drop a twenty on a new bottle of goo, this time asking if they have something TSA compliant.

Author: David Churbuck

Cape Codder with an itch to write

0 thoughts on “Travel rage”

  1. Firstly, welcome back.

    Secondly, please get rid of that twitter box. Makes me want to strangle you.

    Thirdly, Congratulations!

    You have just been placed on the TSA No Fly List. That’s right, Mr. David Churbuck is the newest winner! Please let us know the indignity when you’re trying to check-in for that flight down south and the very nice lady at the desk tells you that you will never be allowed to fly again. Please take a picture of that vein in your forehead with your camera and upload to flickr when you get the news.

    Let’s see…you work for a Chinese Government company, wear bow-ties, and you insulted the TSA. Sounds like a recipe for No Fly List to me!

    It’s one excuse to hang on the Cape all summer

  2. David: Since you are a man, you haven’t known the pain of having to to throw away your new tube or tubes of MAC Lipglass. Moisturizer you can get in the airport-not Kiehl’s or L’Occitane but it’ll do; the MAC counter is holy ground to most women I know, and you can’t get it anywhere. Forgive me if I’m indifferent 😉

  3. Nasty little trolls on their little power trips; cops who are often recidivist clerks with guns; White House lies, high crimes, and misdemeanors enough for forty impeachments but god forbid anyone should ride without a SEAT BELT…
    Welcome to Fascistworld. Orwell simply had no idea that he wasn’t going nearly far enough. LOL

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